Masculinity. Is it a social construct, inborn qualities, character development or a little of all the above? The debate over masculinity continues. As evidenced by the visitors to this site, the most popular topic next to boys and reading are questions concerning masculinity. While most men don't feel that masculinity is a crisis in their own life, that they are comfortable with their own masculinity, the discussions that swirl around what it means to be male does create some confusion as to what it means on a larger scale to be masculine.
I wrote an article (Masculinity in Crisis) over a year ago about the crisis in masculinity and discussed what I believe is a sensible approach to a construct of masculinity that includes qualities that men can identify with without capitulating to ideological forces that would have men be more feminine, for a lack of a better word. This article suggested that the qualities of honor, strength, integrity, leadership and courage are character qualities that could be embraced by men as well as encouraged by family and society. These qualities are also qualities that can be seen in great men of history and would offer a congruence with masculinity through time. They also do not preclude the ability of a man to be caring and responsive to the well being of others, including the ability to be emotionally aware enough to be expressive and responsive in that arena of life.
In a survey to study what men thought about masculinity in preparation for selling an erectile dysfunction drug, a Canadian research team discovered that indeed, men do define their masculinity in these types of terms.
"The survey of 27,839 men in eight countries found that being seen as “honorable” was their highest ideal (picked by 33 per cent), followed closely by being in control of their lives (28 per cent). Most claimed to want love ahead of sex.
At the bottom of the scale, only one per cent rated a great sex life as the top male quality, while three per cent chose financial success. Views of maleness bog down in stereotypes, said the team’s leader, Canadian Michael Sand.
' Men routinely said that being in good health, having a good family life, having a harmonious relationship with my wife or my partner, is way more important than . . . a successful career, having a nice home, having a satisfying sex life.' “Being seen as honorable - I think men are telling us that how my community views my integrity and my values system is important to me.'
They’re also saying 'I want to be seen as a good father, a successful partner, far more than I want to be seen as a stud,” he said. “All of these things point to the importance - not in keeping with stereotypes - of interpersonal relationships to men, as well as to women of course.' "1
However, despite the desires men have as individual have to define their masculinity in these honorable ways, troubled financial times have helped to reveal that men continue to have some of their ego tied to a stereotypical measure of masculinity. Writing about men's self image Tony Dokoupil of Newsweek noted that as men suffered unemployment the appear to indulge in more old fashion stereotypical male behavior. "And during economic crises, men humiliated by their loss of work often compensate by reasserting their worst hyper masculine impulses—doubling down on old alpha-male stereotypes, rather than happily baking the bread that women now win in the workplace."2 Dr. Louann Brizendine, author of “The Female Brain” and a psychiatrist at the University of California, San Francisco, says that women who lose their jobs “aren’t going to take as much of a self-esteem hit” as men. That is because the most potent form of positive social feedback for many men comes from within the hierarchy of the workplace. By contrast, she said, women may have “many sources of self-esteem — such as their relationships with other people — that are not exclusively embedded within their jobs.”3
The picture is slightly different among young men. They seem less driven and are prone to being more content. A survey of men turning 20 in the current fiscal year conducted by O-net Inc., a Tokyo-based marriage agency found that one in three men not in a relationship stated they did not want one. These men cited reasons such as, "Being single is fun," and "I want to spend my time and money on something else." Such responses indicate they are content with the status quo and have little interest in looking for a partner. Fukasawa believes herbivorous men, who tend to have an eye for fashion, get on well with their parents and have a slender physique, are partly the result of their environment. "These men were raised in materially rich times and aren't desperate to get what they want," she said. "They're inclined to be steadfast because they only know the post-bubble society and don't have excessive expectations for the future."4 These changes, while they certainly represent a shift from more traditional concepts of masculinity may not be totally worthy of being embraced. A quote from "Masculinity in the Modern West" by Christopher E Forth reveals that maybe this shift is due to an emphasis on indulgence and softer lifestyles. "One of the ironies of the gendered discourse of civilization is that, despite the terror, torture, warfare and domestic violence that is Masculinity in the Modern West perpetuated in the world, it is the capacity to enact and endure violence that is often represented as one of the most unjustly repressed aspects of male experience. Yet if violence and warfare are so often celebrated for their "regenerative" potential, it is perhaps because the more positive ideals of sacrifice and self-denial that defined the warrior code have, since the early eighteenth century, been systematically challenged by developments that emphasize the value of self-indulgence and softer lifestyles. While peace has been celebrated throughout modern history, it has also been criticized for its tendency to make individuals and societies complacent and weak" (Christopher E. Forth in "Masculinity in the Modern West" (2008)).
In my work with families, there is an alarming number of young people, more males that females in my experience, lack direction and drive. They are content to stay at home and watch TV and play video games long past the age when their parents were getting married, buying homes and having children. While economics and the time it takes to be prepared to support yourself play a role in the ultimate launching of children, these young people are not busily employed in preparing themselves they are content to be teens long into their 20s. The lack of honor or integrity in these young people is disturbing to their parents and bodes ill for their future as well as our own. While I do not advise that a man's self concept be tied to his drive to succeed, the character qualities of honor, integrity, self confidence, hard work and the like serve both the individual and society at the same time and makes men more attractive to women as a bonus.5 Hence, it is in the interest of boys, and young men as well as our societies that we provide the type of masculine definition that men can, and have embraced that also serves to make them valuable to their families, friends and community. Culture is going to influence how men define masculinity, it should seek to do it in a way that is a win-win situation for all involved.
1. Honor before hot sex, men reveal in survey
By Ottawa Citizen August 27, 2008
http://www.canada.com/vancouversun/story.html?id=4759cf10-7de2-498a-87b9-1dbba46afcd9&k=55963
2. Men Will Be Men
By Tony Dokoupil | NEWSWEEK
Published Feb 21, 2009
http://www.newsweek.com/id/185854
3. Why the Sting of Layoffs Can Be Sharper for Men
By HANNAH SELIGSON | The New York Times
Published: January 31, 2009
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/01/jobs/01layoff.html?_r=1&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink
4.Steadfast young men as meek as lambs
Tamotsu Saito / Yomiuri Shimbun Staff Writer Daily Yomiuri Online
http://www.yomiuri.co.jp/dy/national/20090225TDY04301.htm
5. Time to scrub up, lads
Feb 19 2009 By Maria Croce Daily Record
http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/women/fashion-and-style/2009/02/19/time-to-scrup-up-lads-86908-21135092/